you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
