everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
