I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
