My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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