I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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