So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
