i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
