I showed him my bush... on skype.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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