he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
zippers are such a cool invention
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
