Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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