I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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