I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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