Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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