escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
