Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
