Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
