I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
