I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
