I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
