I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
