My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
