it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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