The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
