i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
