I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
