i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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