The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
