the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
