This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
