If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
