even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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