i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
