I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
