so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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