Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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