wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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