He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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