Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
