So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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