You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
