I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
