Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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