Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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