Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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