Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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