i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
