I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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