I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
