About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
