i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
