Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
