You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
