My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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