so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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