Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
