She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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