He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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