The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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