At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
