So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
