Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
