I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize