Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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