you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
