Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
