He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ttyl tear gas
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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