paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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