HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
