toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
