More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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