you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
