the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
