I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
