i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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