so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
