Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
