I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
