glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
