Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
