Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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