I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
