moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
