I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize