That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
