You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
