Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
