Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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