dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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