I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
