at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize