Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
