My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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