i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
