If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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